This past week was a busy one! I’ve been trying to blog on TikTok every day, so I figured I would do one video to recap our weekend. Enjoy! Be sure to follow me on TikTok too to see my daily vlogs!
On July 8th, I was at a party drinking cheap beer and watching two grown men (presumably intoxicated) bare-knuckle box. A lot of friends had their phones out to record the fight and one friend was the referee, keeping the fight from getting out of hand.
I sat away from it all and observed. I felt alone and the beer didn’t even taste that good. I wasn’t enjoying myself and it was nobody’s fault but my own. I remember thinking to myself: I think I’m done.
Since that day, I’ve only had a sip of my boyfriend’s ale or a friend’s beverage. I’ve gotten myself a non-alcoholic version of Heineken (meh) and have gotten super into kombucha, both of which had such small amounts of alcohol they’re considered non-alcoholic.
Overall I feel good and I don’t miss drinking. Other times, during a rough day at work or when I see a bottle of wine that one of my roommates put in the fridge, it’s more of a challenge to abstain. But I remind myself the importance of waiting. Sometimes it’s just taking it a day at a time. Sometimes it’s taking it minutes or seconds at a time. Sometimes it’s just saying to yourself “Let me get home from work and see if I still wanna drink then. In that particular example, I usually find a way to decide against it. In that small act of waiting, I find I show up to myself. I’ve been showing up to myself for three months and I’m really grateful to those who’ve supported me and to the art I’ve made as catharsis.
In case you haven’t heard it today:
- You are loved.
- You mean something to someone.
- If you’re feeling sad, you’re not alone.
- If you’re struggling through a vice, you can do this!
Just remember this: if you are ever feeling sad or loneliness or anger, remember this line from U2’s song “Stuck In A Moment You Can’t Get Out Of”
It’s just a moment, this time will pass.
3 am; Couldn’t sleep when I remembered my bike was still locked up outside; I briefly entertained the idea of leaving it overnight but my anxiety talked me into going for a ride instead; the wind felt cool on my skin and was able to quell some of the tightness in my chest; I have so much shit to do tomorrow; I continued to pedal while the music played Leonard Skynard and Brandi Carlile on my phone tucked away in the shelf bra of my black camisole; the more I pedaled, the less I felt the odd crawling sensation in my shoulder muscles I tend to feel when someone is thinking of me; many times I tried to go home only to be redirected with a small flick of my wrist; what does the seven of cups reversed mean in a tarot reading about a man’s feelings for me; I changed the music to that new Katy Perry song, seeking something more upbeat; I pedaled; I thought about what to do next; I thought about letting go; It’s time to move on and stop wasting your time thinking about him; I finally made my way back home and brought my bike inside; It’s time to let go; I fell asleep at 4am.
What do you love from the 1980s decade?
The fashion. Hands down.
Do you meditate or believe in meditation? Does it help you?
I do meditate on a semi-frequent basis. My common method of meditation is actually through the Meditation Podcast, which you can find on iTunes. Not only have their meditations helped me sleep, they have effectively helped me calm down from my anxiety.