10465 – 94 days

On July 8th, I was at a party drinking cheap beer and watching two grown men (presumably intoxicated) bare-knuckle box. A lot of friends had their phones out to record the fight and one friend was the referee, keeping the fight from getting out of hand.

I sat away from it all and observed. I felt alone and the beer didn’t even taste that good. I wasn’t enjoying myself and it was nobody’s fault but my own. I remember thinking to myself: I think I’m done.

Since that day, I’ve only had a sip of my boyfriend’s ale or a friend’s beverage. I’ve gotten myself a non-alcoholic version of Heineken (meh) and have gotten super into kombucha, both of which had such small amounts of alcohol they’re considered non-alcoholic.

Overall I feel good and I don’t miss drinking. Other times, during a rough day at work or when I see a bottle of wine that one of my roommates put in the fridge, it’s more of a challenge to abstain. But I remind myself the importance of waiting. Sometimes it’s just taking it a day at a time. Sometimes it’s taking it minutes or seconds at a time. Sometimes it’s just saying to yourself “Let me get home from work and see if I still wanna drink then. In that particular example, I usually find a way to decide against it. In that small act of waiting, I find I show up to myself. I’ve been showing up to myself for three months and I’m really grateful to those who’ve supported me and to the art I’ve made as catharsis.

In case you haven’t heard it today:

• You are loved.
• You mean something to someone.
• If you’re feeling sad, you’re not alone.
• If you’re struggling through a vice, you can do this!

Just remember this: if you are ever feeling sad or loneliness or anger, remember this line from U2’s song “Stuck In A Moment You Can’t Get Out Of”

It’s just a moment, this time will pass.

❤️

Tess

Life Update

This was originally posted on my personal FB and I figured I’d share it on here as well.

Life update time!

1) After working there nearly four years, I no longer work at Gailey’s Breakfast Cafe. I now work at Falstaff’s Local on the weekends and some evenings. I’m pretty excited for this new opportunity. I also have an awesome little part-time job at the OTC bookstore that I’ve had since the beginning of August. I was hired on for temporary employment and am waiting to hear back if I become a permanent employee there as well.

2) I’m super excited to get to show off some of my acting chops and be a part of this year’s performance of “It’s A Wonderful Life: A Radio Play” that will go up at the Gillioz Theatre starting December 8-10!

Poster for this year’s “It’s A Wonderful Life: A Radio Play”

3) I’ve been writing like crazy. I’m putting finishing touches on a horror script for Grave Tales that I’ve really enjoyed writing. I’ve been thoroughly enjoying sketch writing classes at Queen City Conservatory. I’ve been pretty proud of my work as of late and I look forward to writing and creating more.

4) Barring some unforeseen incident, I will be graduating in December with my bachelor’s and an associate’s degree (via reverse transfer). School has been going really well for me and I’m happy with my progress. I’m really feeling the motivation to get my degrees and finally graduate.

In summary, I’m doing really well and things are going great! I want to give a shout-out to the people who’s supported me, encouraged me, and had my back the last few weeks. I seriously cannot thank you all enough. I also give a shout-out to my mom (Pamela) for all her love and help with my dealing with personal stuff and giving out writing tips too. Much love to all! ❤

3am bike ride in the Ides of June (flash)

3 am; Couldn’t sleep when I remembered my bike was still locked up outside; I briefly entertained the idea of leaving it overnight but my anxiety talked me into going for a ride instead; the wind felt cool on my skin and was able to quell some of the tightness in my chest; I have so much shit to do tomorrow; I continued to pedal while the music played Leonard Skynard and Brandi Carlile on my phone tucked away in the shelf bra of my black camisole; the more I pedaled, the less I felt the odd crawling sensation in my shoulder muscles I tend to feel when someone is thinking of me; many times I tried to go home only to be redirected with a small flick of my wrist; what does the seven of cups reversed mean in a tarot reading about a man’s feelings for me; I changed the music to that new Katy Perry song, seeking something more upbeat; I pedaled; I thought about what to do next; I thought about letting go; It’s time to move on and stop wasting your time thinking about him; I finally made my way back home and brought my bike inside; It’s time to let go; I fell asleep at 4am. 

Human Zoo – 100 Word Story (from 400 Writing Prompts)

If you fell down a rabbit hole,what do you think you’d find?

Years ago, my mom asked me to go to the park with my sister. The park wasn’t far from our house, so my sister and I rode our bikes over and played hide and seek. I looked for somewhere to hide and saw a big tree with roots that I could crawl under. I crawled and crawled, until…I fell into darkness and landed on cold floor. I was in a cage with strange-looking beings staring at me. They had green skin and black eyes. I couldn’t understand their words. They watched me like I was an animal in a zoo.

photo credit: iStock by Getty Images

 

Tinder the Musical

I’ll gladly say it: I hate Tinder. I hate online dating in general, but I really hate Tinder. Major kudos to the lucky ducks who have successfully found love in the internet cesspool of left and right swiping because I tend to find more creeps and disgusting vulgarities than actual guys interested in something substantial. I rarely look at Tinder these days and when I do, I usually regret it. Today was one of those days.

I remembered a conversation I had with my friend Sarah. When I went to Chicago last year, she was the one who showed me around town. One of the times she was visiting home in good ol’ Springfield, we were at the local donut shop and we thought about how funny it would be to write a musical about Tinder. After checking my Tinder today and being thoroughly disappointed, I made this:

Still reading: 11/22/63 by Stephen King
Almost finished reading: Attempting Normal by Marc Maron (I recommend it in audiobook form)

From 400 Writing Prompts

This past month has been incredibly busy for me. In the midst of working, school, standup, writing for class, writing for pleasure, and the occasional podcast, I took on the task of directing a stage parody. If you’ve read my post VisionCon 2016 then you know about how I’m a part of a staged Firefly parody. When we all performed at VisionCon, I was a performer. This time I’ve taken on the task of directing. It’s been a fun new adventure, but it’s also made me limited for time and energy. Come this Saturday, I will be a lot more free

…that is until I go to Memphis the following weekend for Beale Street Music Festival with my mother. This will be our fourth year going and the lineup is completely fantastic. It will also be a much-needed vacation for me after an intense month.

If you were to start a new business right this minute, what would it be? Describe it.

A dry karaoke bar.

Reason: I love karaoke. It’s seriously one of my favorite things to do to with my friends. Problem is that most karaoke joints are also bars, which means that any friends who are underage can’t go. It also means that any teetotaler friends may not want to come. So to offer a dry bar would appeal to more than one mass, especially in a town where there are a lot of underage people, Christians, or people who choose not to drink.

If you knew it would be published, name someone (alive or dead) whose biography you would love to write. You would have full access to their life.

This is a toss up between Lady Gaga and Amy Winehouse. When I went to San Francisco last year, I went to the Contemporary Jewish Museum and saw an Amy Winehouse exhibit. There were various items on display of hers that her family now owned. She was so young when she died and the circumstances of her death are so sad. The quote below was painted on the wall of Amy Winehouse’s exhibit at the CJM. I took this before I was told pictures weren’t allowed. Oops. But I like this quote a lot.

“But mostly I have this dream to be very famous. To work on stage. It’s a life-long ambition. I want people to hear my voice and just forget their troubles for five minutes.” – Amy Winehouse

Lady Gaga isn’t just a pop star, she’s a performance artist. There’s meaning behind everything she performs, wears, and presents. That kind of bravery doesn’t happen overnight. I would like to know what was her paradigm shift(s).

Blog Challenge: 642 Tiny Things to [blog] about – Prompt 50

Strange Things Are Afoot At the Circle K

Herculaneum, Missouri on Saturday, April 16th, 1992 at 11:37 pm. A Dispatcher sits at his desk. The entire story will be from the Dispatcher’s perspective and all other voices will be either on the radio or phone.

Note: Herculaneum is a real town, I lived here for three years when I was growing up. But the names and locations are entirely fictional.

Characters
Dispatcher – A man in his mid-late twenties, fairly new to the job.Lucille – Caller, gas station worker, older woman.
Officers Davis & Bilson – Middle aged. Both have been police officers for many years. Know their town well.

Dispatcher: “This is 911. What is your emergency?”

Lucille: (frantic) “Uh yes, hi. My name is Lucille and I work down at the C-C-Circle K down on Farm Road K-Double Five. This….this is going to sound crazy…but I think I just witnessed an alien abduction.”

Dispatcher: “Well, okay. Try to stay calm. What makes you think it was an alien abduction? What did you see?”

Lucille takes a deep, ragged breath.

Lucille: (sounding scared) “So I was working and Dale comes in with his 18-wheeler truck. He comes in all the time and always buys a pack of smokes. Tonight he was telling me that he suspected a storm was acomin’ because he had passed by a f-field of cows coming into town and he’d seen ’em all huddled together. Then he went back t-to his truck, that was parked on the side of the building where I couldn’t see, and I saw this blinding flash of light. S-so I…I went out there to ask him what the light was about and there was nothin’!”

Dispatcher: “What do you mean by nothin’, Lucille?”

Lucille: “I mean, there was nothin’. N-n-no truck, no Dale. No sign of Dale driving away. Even the light was out on the side of the building where Dale had parked his truck. And I-I-I know there was nothing wrong with the circuitry because I had that fixed s-s-six weeks ago and the lightbulb was b-brand-new, bought that not even two days ago.”

Dispatcher: “Okay, it’s okay. Can you see anything outside now?”

Lucille: “No. Everything is dark. Even the lights on the gas pumps are out… (gasps) The-the lights just went out inside!” (whimpers)

Dispatcher: “Stay on the line! We’re sending officers to your location.”
(into their radio) “I need officers at the Circle K on Farm Road K55 immediately!”

Lucille: (whispering) “It feels warm in here…”

Dispatcher: “Hang in there, Lucille. Stay with me. Stay out of sight.”

Lucille: (sounding strangely thoughtful) “No, I mean that it feels warm in here, like I feel suddenly sitting by a fireplace all cozy. It feels like someone is in here. B-but…I didn’t hear the door open.”
(becomes very relaxed and slurs words a little) “But I can feel the energy. It’s as if they’re right next to…”

The line goes dead.

Dispatcher: “Lucille? Lucille!”
(on radio) “Officers Bilson and Davis, I have lost contact with the employee at the Circle K. Please tell me your location.”

Officer Bilson: “We’re on Farm Road K55. We should be approaching (radio garbles) minutes.”

Dispatcher: “Officer Bilson, I’m experiencing some issues with your radio. Could you repeat what you just said?”

Officer Davis: (sounds annoyed) “He said that we were on Farm Road K55. We should be (radio garbles).”

Dispatcher: “Officer Davis, I’m experiencing issues with your radio too.”
(radio garbles, nothing is coherent. Dispatcher’s concern grows)
“Bilson, Davis, do either of you copy?”

Officer Davis: “There’s nothing going on here.”

Dispatcher: “What do you mean by nothing?”

Officer Bilson: “This Circle K is closed. No one to be found.”

Dispatcher: “And you’re at the right location?”

Officer Bilson: “I’m positive we’re at the right place. I passed by here the other day to go to my brother’s house.”

Dispatcher: “That doesn’t make any sense. Weird question: How does the air feel? Can you feel any…uh…energy?”

Officer Davis: (chuckles) “Can’t say that I do. But the wind just kicked up. Looks like it’s gonna storm.”

Dispatcher: “Is there anything you fellas can see? Any sign of Lucille or Dale’s truck?”

Officer Bilson: (confused) “Who’s Lucille?”

Dispatcher: “That’s the worker who called in. She claimed to have witnessed an alien abduction of one of her regular customers. The line went dead right when she was telling me how warm the air was.”

Officer Davis: (laughs) “Dispatcher, you misunderstand what I’m saying: this Circle K has been closed for about two months. The windows are all boarded up.

Dispatcher: “What? But what about Lucille?”

Officer Davis: “I’m sorry, but there isn’t anyone by that name who worked here. Starting to sound like a prank to me.”

Officer Bilson: “Probably by some teenagers bored on a Saturday night.”

Dispatcher: (angry) “She sounded pretty sincere to me. You can’t fake fear like that.”

Officer Bilson: “Sorry Dispatcher, we didn’t catch that. Come again?”

Dispatcher: “I said you can’t fake fear like…”
(A short piercing sound goes through his headset. It leaves him a little dazed and slow to react.)

Officer Bilson: “Hello? You there? Can you hear us, Dispatcher?”

Dispatcher: (dazed) “Yeah, sorry.”

Officer Bilson: “You okay?”

Dispatcher: “Yeah, I’m alright. It’s just been a long night.”

Officer Davis: “You sure? Soundin’ a little off.”

Dispatcher: (still dazed) “I’m okay. I just feel a little spacey right now.”

Officer Bilson: “Hey, we’ll find them if they call again. Hey, you’re not the first dispatcher to believe a prank call. It happens to all of us. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

Dispatcher: (eerily calm) “Don’t worry. It’s already been forgotten.”

END.

 

Fortune Cookie Thoughts (from 400 Prompts)

Write ten original thoughts that will be stuffed inside fortune cookies for strangers to read. NOTE: Most of these are just pieces of advice and don’t really tell you a fortune. But then again, I don’t remember the last time I received a fortune cookie that actually had a fortune in it.

1. Don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions. (good advice from my mother).
2. A real friendship can withstand anything.
3. It is possible to love someone from a distance. Especially when the distance is for your own benefit.
4. Don’t believe people who have to tell you they’re a nice person using their words inside of their actions.
5. Take care of yourself, no matter what good or bad is going on in your life.
6. Be as brave in person as you are behind your computer keyboard. (shoutout to all of my troll friends)
7. Sometimes you’re the spoke, sometimes you’re the wheel.
8. You will never look back and regret the times you stood up for yourself.
9. If forgiveness meant you had to forget the wrongs someone else made, then the phrase wouldn’t be “forgive and forget.”
10. Trust that if someone is meant to be a part of your life, they’ll stick around. If they leave, it’s for a good reason. If they’re meant to return, they’ll find a way back.

Nugget of Wisdom: A former friend of mine used to say, “The Universe is unfolding as it should.” I don’t know where that came from, but I found it’s calmed me in a panic attack or two.

About a month ago, I came across this awesome mantra. It renders a very simplistic message: I love you. I forgive you. I release you.

Currently reading: Attemping Normal by Marc Maron. I’ve been on a serious Maron kick as of late. I’ve been listening to a lot of WTF episodes and watching Maron on Netflix and I highly recommend both. I’ve found that the things Maron says really resonate with me. The best kind of art is the art that I find I can relate to and connect with.

All this talk about fortune cookies reminded me of the time my friend Kaiser got a fortune cookie without a fortune in it. Photo cred: J. Kaiser

Blog Challenge: 642 Tiny Things to [blog] about – Prompt 48

In the United States, the Department of Transportation is in charge of time zones. You feel a new time zone should be created. Where is it, and what would it be called?

To make this more interesting, I’ve made the central character a girl in her late teens, early twenties. Think Reese Witherspoon from “Legally Blonde.”

To Who It May Concern,

My name is Leslie Middleton and I’m a part of the Delta Sigma Delta Chi sorority at Missouri State University in St. Louis. I’m writing to you today with a proposal. I would like the United State of the USA to have one more timezone. It would be called “Party Time” and every day it would be allow more daylight, irregardless if it’s Daylight Savings Time. The time zone would be rove throughout the country around sunset. It would actually reverse the sun for a few more hours. This purpose would be solely for partying and offering the perfect light for taking selfies with friends. I think that offering this would literaly raise moral as a nation.

Think it over and text me on Kik, k?

Kthnxbai

Leslie

Blog Challenge: 642 Tiny Things to [blog] about – Prompt 47

Well hello again, it’s a been a minute.

Write a headline for the day after the world ends.

Because if you’re going to retroactively chastise those who somehow survive the apocalypse, soften the blow by saying “goofed” instead “fucked.”

Courtesy of The Newspaper Clipping Generator

You’re launching a sound recording of life on Earth into outer space to act as a emissary for the human race. Name the five specific sounds you will record.

1. A bird chirping
2. A baby’s laugh
3. An analog clock’s hands ticking
4. The waves of the ocean
5. A toilet flushing

Convey the third sound in detail. Don’t bother using words.

Tick, tick, tick, tick. (this is onomatopoeia)

Your recording may include a short inscription on it, the only text that will accompany these Earth sounds. There is space for only six words.

Our life as we know it.

Currently Listening To: Angel Haze – Back To The Woods (entire album on Soundcloud)

I’ve been an Angel Haze fan for a few years now and her music never ceases to impress me. Her newest album, Back To The Woods, is spectacular. I highly recommend it.

Speaking of woods, here’s a moment of nostalgia for the beautiful green trees at Roaring River State Park.